Interpersonal Theory and Application to Relationship

Abstract

One of the concepts of interpersonal communication theory is value conflict which involves how differences in people’s beliefs, norms, and values can affect a relationship positively or negatively. In contemporary work organizations, relationships, and various engagements, cultural competence values are greatly emphasized as part of the standards of cooperatively working together with others and having mutual respect. However, when people hold on to their values strongly and refuse to accommodate or respect each other’s values, it can be difficult to solve value-based disputes. In the example given, my friend had very strong beliefs and was never accommodating or showed empathy, although when being a victim of the same meanness, she would need others to understand her. Considering the wide difference in the values and how she was never accommodated, this example provides a good scenario of how a lack of accepting and appreciating others or becoming empathetic can destroy interpersonal relationships instead of preservation. Some of the recommended ways include the development of good communication skills such as active listening, finding shared values, and accommodating each other.

            Keywords: values, beliefs, norms, dispute, conflict, communication, conflict 

Interpersonal Theory and Application to Relationship

Most relationships are built on good interpersonal communication with others. However, many people experience conflicts with each other because of the lack of communication skills when addressing arising differences. One of the interpersonal theory concepts includes the value conflict theory, which includes how differences in values can lead to conflict between friends, family, or colleagues. In extreme cases, the value conflict can lead to alienation from others and a lack of teamwork or support for each other in areas of cooperation. In this paper, the value conflict concept will be explored, how it applied to the relationship with a close friend, and what could have been done to restore and preserve the relationship through learning communication skills. This is important, especially in contemporary society where people come from diverse backgrounds and embrace varying values. Learning from this experience can help one attain appropriate communication skills, including accommodating others’ opinions and respecting their values to avoid conflicts, increasing cooperation, and preserving relationships.

Concept

Value conflict entails a concept whereby people interacting with each other develop fundamental differences in values and identities. In this case, the differences influence how they view sensitive topics such as religion, politics, and ethics due to the norms the individual develops and the strongly-held beliefs that influence the decisions and positions one takes on particular matters (Valitova & Besson, 2021). Therefore, there are many cases where conflicts can arise between individuals, especially when their values conflict. This can be reflected in how people view specific policies, make decisions, and decide whether to participate in implementing a particular issue. For instance, the issue of abortion is an example of differences between people’s views and a way of value conflict. One individual might feel that aborting a child is not wrong, irrespective of how the pregnancy was gotten. Some may feel that a child is a gift from God and should not be killed through abortion, as some Christian organizations have argued. Some may feel a victim of pregnancy who ends up being pregnant and never wanted the pregnancy in the first place, and it is not fair to keep such a child as it can be a reminder of the traumatic experience. The debate goes on to discuss the life ethics as to when life begins, whether at birth or conception, to constitute an abortion as a form of killing a life. The example of the abortion debates, therefore, presents how many people can have very conflicting and different values from each other, which can influence if people can work together or not. In some instances, it is difficult for the people to arrive at an accommodating decision which can lead to alienation from each other and destroying the relationship because of the value conflict.

In most cases, when people experience a value conflict, they develop defensiveness and distrust, which spoils the ability to work together or preserve their relationship (Hung & Lin, 2013). On the other hand, some people stand firmly by their values and what they believe in that it becomes difficult for cooperation to be achieved. Sometimes, it can hinder doing some jobs, implementing some policies, or making some trades. In this case, engaging in some communication skills and strategies of negotiation and accommodation is essential. While people have different values, it is vital to be willing to look for the universal values that people share, which can be a great start towards preserving a relationship (Hung & Lin, 2013). For instance, in a scenario where one individual believes stealing is wrong and the other one is not, trying to reach a common ground of understanding that people can be redeemed from such behavior through rehabilitation or looking at the circumstances can be a good way of seeking cooperation and understanding each other. For example, an individual could have stolen food because of being hungry for a long and having no job or employment. Another can steal to want to get rich, while another can steal medicine to help a patient. Trying to understand the various perspectives by listening to each other and having some respect from the other side of the argument can help increase the level of understanding and underlying reasons for specific values. This can be a great way of solving value-based disputes, especially by engaging in dialogue to understand the other person’s beliefs about a situation, person, or institution. Appealing to the values that both people share can lead to the development of some universal beliefs that can solve a dispute of value differences (Hung & Lin, 2013). Most written laws such as equality and human rights are based on understanding shared values among most people and inform how some people make ethical decisions. However, some people might not agree with all the laws, and it is crucial to try to comprehend their thinking with a mutual respect approach rather than passing judgment on their positions.

Example

When I was in elementary education, a close friend with whom we used to hang out, visit each other, and sometimes do some sleepovers. However, just before junior high school, we started drifting apart and joined different schools, which made even the distance grow bigger. One of the issues that separated us was continuous disagreements over time over some views of life and what ought to be right or not. Eventually, we even started joining groups that embrace different and sometimes conflicting values with my views. During high school, the differences in our values deepened, but our parents never knew what was transcending. We had become friends because the parents were friends, worked together, and lived in the neighborhood. However, it became strained despite trying to have an excellent interpersonal relationship with the friend because we had different opinions on many things. This became a pattern of disagreeing every time and eventually drifting apart.

On this particular day, long after completing high school, the families had a reunion involving six families. During this event, we met again with my friend, but the differences in values continued to deepen, leading to a huge fight. I really dislike it when people make offensive remarks about me or attempt to bully me by using demeaning language and displaying contempt. In addition, I value my privacy, and resolving conflicts in a respectful and peaceful manner is preferable. I often feel like I have a lot of empathy, so before I say or do anything, I consider how it will affect that individual. Sometimes I might say a statement sarcastically, trying to make fun, or, when angry, make some statement that might hurt the other person’s feelings. However, afterward, when I am calm, I tend to reflect on what I said, and if I feel it might be offensive, I tend to call or meet the person, ask for an apology and express being sorry as a way to make amends. However, my friend is quite different. Sometimes she makes so mean comments, and they hurt so deep. However, when you tell the person what they are saying is hurtful, the friend never says sorry or shows any sign of remorse for what she is doing, and this has contributed significantly to the friend not having many friends. In some moments, when the emotions are high, and I repeat what the person said or attacked, the person feels hurtful and wants me to apologize and sometimes cries. I often utilize this occasion to express my regret while also demonstrating how such a problem could have been avoided if we had attempted to understand one another and how the friend should feel regret for their actions toward others as they experience the same suffering. However, this has never really changed, and our disagreements and arguments have only contributed to changing our relationship for the worse.

At the particular reunion, my friend made a mean comment. At first, I kept quiet, and she continued pursuing the same mean comments. Finally, I could not handle it, so I walked away. Later we met again, and I expressed a different opinion on some issues, and it got into a heated and loud argument that we had to be told to tone down several times. In the end, we left each other with hurtful feelings because it deteriorated into personal attacks and very meant comments because of disagreeing on some issues based on the different values we have embraced that are highly conflicting. Despite the presence of some people trying to be middle, it motivated me to argue my values openly. At the same time, my friend stuck to hers, making our communication and interpersonal relationship drift even further. This is just an example of how the value conflict works. My friend and I have very differing views on some issues, and it is offensive how she makes mean comments without minding the impact of such mean comments on the other person. A person may be more receptive and compromising when they try to picture themselves in the other person's shoes. However, when such conflicting values are maintained on each side, then disputes can quickly arise, such as the case with the argument with my friend during the reunion, and a pattern that has been for a very long time on every occasion we meet.

Implications

In the scenario given, part of the conversation could have gone well if handled differently. One of the main challenges in solving a value-based dispute is getting both parties to engage in meaningful and fruitful communication that will preserve a relationship rather than destroy it. In interpersonal relationships, such as with my friend, communication is critical in building bonds, trust, and cooperation in many things. Therefore, learning practical communication skills is critical to both parties, including active listening and avoiding interruptions when the other party is speaking (Dueck-Read, 2014). Besides, it is essential to have mutual respect for the values of others. In the workplace today, part of the training includes cultural competence lessons aimed at making people respect the values and beliefs held by others and overcoming such differences to be accommodating and objective in the purpose of the organization’s mission (Dueck-Read, 2014). In the same way, learning to appreciate the differences in opinions and having mutual respect can significantly help in having objective and calm conversations that explore the issue rather than involve hurting each other emotionally or physically, which destroys the trust that builds the friendship in the first place.

In this case, we could have also started by looking at the shared values and understanding the point of differences and the context behind such differences. Then we could work on the areas of the shared values and be willing to accommodate each other as part of the solution without attacking or victimizing each other. In most conversations, when one becomes angry, it is good to walk away and talk about the issue when all parties are calm (Dueck-Read, 2014). In the case of this conflict, we could have avoided the bitter argument and exchange of hurtful words, which could have a lasting impact on an individual as words tend to be memorable for a long time, especially if they are highly impactful. If we had walked away from each other, maybe the arguments could have been reduced, and the differences addressed at another time calmly.

Conclusion

In summary, the value conflict theory of interpersonal communication entails the differences people have because of their beliefs, norms, and values that they use to guide their decisions and points of view. Interpersonal communication and relationships can be challenging to achieve when opposing views. Although people must respect each other’s perspectives and values, such as culture, there is a need for both parties to have the willingness to accommodate each other and be willing to have mutual respect. However, if the willingness is one-sided such as in the example with the friend, achieving dispute resolutions and preserving the relationship can be pretty tricky. On the other hand, suppose both parties are willing to accommodate each other. In that case, communication skills such as active listening, being objective in a conversation, avoiding attacks, and being respectful and attentive can be some of the skills that can help grow the shared values and preserve the relationship.

References

Dueck-Read, J. M. (2014). Managing Conflict through Communication 5th ed.

Hung, K., & Lin, C. (2013). More communication is not always better? The interplay between effective communication and interpersonal conflict in influencing satisfaction. Industrial Marketing Management, 42(8), 1223-1232. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.indmarman.2013.05.002

Valitova, A., & Besson, D. (2021). Interpersonal communications are at the core of conflict escalation in an organization. The interplay of interpersonal communication escalation, people’s habitus, and psycho-sociological processes are more important than contextual factors. Journal Of Organizational Change Management, 34(1), 3-27. https://doi.org/10.1108/jocm-04-2017-0131